The Eelloominartee (Illuminati)

One of the many trials and tribulations of archaeologists is the problem of trying to decode ancient texts and runes. Of course, once you have worked out the actual language, the translation can come relatively instantaneously. However one thing no amount of analyzing can reproduce is the pronunciation. We can get some form or idea of how it may have sounded, but we will never be able to know exactly how people pronounced words, as there are no audio recordings (no duh…). We can only assume, and form a pronunciation that was most likely to have been used. We may never know whether Julius Caesar said ‘Vini, Vidi, Vici’, or ‘Weeney, Weedy, Weechy’, and similarly we will never be able to know how the Akkadians pronounced their dialect, nor the Mayans, nor the Babylonians. But when we actually have people who are currently speaking the language, it really annoys me when foreign people don’t pronounce names properly.

Today in my Italian class we were talking about Rome, and the conversation turned to the film Angels and Demons which I had watched just the other day (not for accuracy but because I like films with suspense and lots of hidden clues and treasure trails, not to mention that Rome is my favourite city), and I was a little disappointed. Yes, all the suspense, and the religious symbols were in there, but when it came to sheer accuracy it was total poppycock. In the film they moved one of the churches to a completely different location, most of the scenes were actually green-screened and not shot on site, and lastly Tom Hanks’ pronunciation of the ‘Illuminati’ was PAINFUL.

“Oh Gawd we need to get tew the Caaestell Saine Anjelloo! The Eeloominarrtee are gonna be hahding there!” (Oh God we need to get to the Castel San Angelo! The Illuminati are going to be hiding there)

So I don’t expect everyone to be able to say things in an authentic Italian accent… that would be frickin’ stupid. I don’t go around saying “I woulda lika Spaghetti Carbonara!”, but I make an effort to at least try and get the basic diction right. And yes, I know there is a flaw in this in that English people don’t call Spain ‘Espana’, nor the French call Londre ‘London’, but when people say the ORIGINAL word in their own accent? Boy is it annoying.

“I would like a Moegaall Sheehiiii curry and some Pillow rice, my good fellow.”

And seeing as we are on the topic of diction, lets move on over, to the mumblers. Among certain fellow teenage students there seems to be some kind of tendency to mumble instead of talk; and this is to anyone. Some people have evolved and adapted, and so are able to work out what these groans mean, but I am still too primitive to be able to understand them; the number of times I have asked a question to somebody, and have received a near inaudible response. I don’t know whether it is because they’re mouths are full because they are eating or because they have just been anesthetized by the dentist, but considering they do allow some form of noise out from between their lips, I am guessing they are replying. So then I end up sitting there looking like a deaf idiot, asking them to repeat their answer about twenty times, until they finally shout it out in frustration. And then I can finally understand what they are saying.

“So, what was for lunch?”

“Mmmnnph.”

“I’m sorry what?”

“Mmmmmnnnnnggghrrrmph”

“Sorry, I still can’t hear what…”

“CHICKEN AND CARROTS!!”

“Oohh. Sounds delicious.”

Just listen to the soundtrack of ‘Angels and Demons’ by Hans Zimmer. It is incredible.

Another thing I can’t stop listening to is ‘War’ by Edwin Starr.